Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
