out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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