If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize