if you like me you must not know who I am
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
