Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
