Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
