I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
