I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
