DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
