I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
