I'm so fucking centered right now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
