Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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