i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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