you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
