just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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