I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
