My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
