I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
