9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
