I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
