I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your penis caused this!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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