Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
