My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
