Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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