Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize