Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
