I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
