I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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