He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
