I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Panties = found
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