Im at strip club and am horny
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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