NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
