god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
