i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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