This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
