i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
