I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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