I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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