Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize