What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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