You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
