dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We need to get me chipped asap
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
