its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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