Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
