Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
