I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
