Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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