tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
