it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
