I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
