I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
