it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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