i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
