i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
