I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
