At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize