He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Me too!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
