My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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