She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
