I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
