I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
