Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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